I don't like writing these things, so I'll pass on one of my current favorite jokes:

So this pirate walks into a bar. He's got a steering wheel down his pants.

The bartender says, "What'll you have?"

"Rum!" roars the pirate.

After a few drinks, the bartender works up the courage to ask. "So, uh, why do you have a steering wheel down your breeches, sir?"

"Argh!" yells the pirate. "I don't know, but it's drivin' me nuts!"

Next time, I think I'll do a recipe.